Theme Hatin'

Well folks, we're heading into the holiday season! That means rearranging of teams, parts and all kinds of holiday parties that facilitate bad decisions and mockcest. With the rearranging of teams comes new counsel tables and with new counsel tables comes new themes. Ah, the theme. Now some would argue the theme is a necessity for great college mocking, judges love 'em and I dread the hours long process of hammering out a theme. Each word is painstakingly decided. Said and said again, does it sound right? Can our closer really say that without sounding like a total douche? I'm not sure what the process is for other programs in regards to themes, but in all my years of mocking, I've seen some pretty freaking horrible themes, so here's a list of a few of our favorites, since hatin' is our favorite hobby next to mocking.

"When you put the pieces together (insert large hand gesture wherein which opposing counsel "collects" the pieces) the picture becomes clear." (Vanna White hands here)
- I can't even remember what team used this, so they must have been awesome, but anytime you use wide, sweeping hand gestures you look ridiculous. Also, aren't pieces for a puzzle? I'm not sure what really constitutes a picture, pixels perhaps? Pieces? I think not.

"White Noise"
- Revisiting one of my all time favorite themes from last year! The white noise defense for Blitz News Network was about as useful as a Randy Schiltz call in 2007. What the FUCK does white noise have to do with ANYTHING?! I'm not sure I'll ever understand what this theme was about, perhaps it's a generational thing, opposing counsel had a good 20 years on everyone on my team. Ah, non-traditional mockers. My favorite!

"Faces and Vases"
- This theme came complete with an optical illusion demostrative! Oh boy! The old vases and faces picture, like something you discovered in 5th grade on the internet and showed all your friends because you thought it was soooo cool. It's not cool, it's a terrible theme, and again, remind me how this relates to case. I don't walk into the courtroom and unveil a fucking Magic Eye that looks like a Maserati if you stare at it long enough. Why the poster? You used like 65 demonstratives and half of them got excluded because they were more prejudicial. Save your money next time at Kinkos and just come up with a better theme.

"Square peg in a round hole"
- Square Pegs is a television show Sarah Jessica Parker wants to forget about and this theme is one I want to forget about. What did you do? Watch Apollo 13 and brainstorm? I only like idioms when a non-native English speaker uses them; for example, a drunk Russian in a New Jersey bar saying, "Oh I am three sheet to the wind!" (been there, seen that) but I digress. Bad theme, period.

"Blinded by the light"
- Manfred Mann's Earth Band AND The Boss called, they want their song back. Everytime counsel said this one, I was taken back to Johnny Depp as George Jung in the classic film Blow, and wanted to hum along. Was Midlands PD also revved up like a deuce? I rest my case.

I'll leave it at this for now, but it's a tag team post, so my partner in crime will post some her favorites soon.


Happy Mocking
-C